Typical Day

Staring at the window or at the wall
Not knowing what I’m becoming, just waiting to fall
Silence for hours talking in my mind
The fear of the answers I might just find
Laying here still not  moving a bit
Seeing myself screaming, trashing not flinching a bit
My soul has wavered not sure if I am me
But rage and anger all I see inside of me
Destruction of all I have including me
I even question the reason why I should be
Crazy, screaming wanting to die so bad
But the fear of death now that I never have had
Makes me protect what I have to live for and what is left
Even though I just want to give in to that’s all I have left
Take me now and make me die
Otherwise leave me now because death is a lie
Living for others just exist to provide
What’s the reason I have come to this, I lost my pride
So see me here wasting my life
As many before I want no more strife
But I can’t go on thinking this way
I am tired to much to live this way every day
I like to think that I might just pull something back
But the purpose why? For another to attack
I see death around the corner waiting to make me fear
But I don’t know whether to laugh or give him my tears
Tired of it all I just want to rewind
And get my life in order and myself I will find
I never wanted it to end like this, not in this way
But I cannot cry and have the change for my say
I pray there would be another smart and positive way
But still keep looking on to a brand new day
I’m still looking for the answers
I’m still trying to find me
I’m still fighting my demons
To find the key to set me free
I’m on the road to nowhere and  have lost my way
Passing through this life's road never to see the day
My life keeps creeping up from behind me so fast
But on this road to nowhere all I see is my past
Empty burning my un holy and lonely soul
That’s the game of death has for my poor soul
To torment me whether dead or alive
What more can I do to live and survive